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General Theory Of Obesity Physicists were set on their heels today by a new theory put forth by a relatively unknown Consultant. After pondering Einsteins General Theory of Relativity and Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham, Doug Meisch concluded that if energy could be quantified, then fatigue must have a quantitive factor. The scientific community while still trying to understand the nature of "time" that Einsteins theory of relativity quantified, now must address the issue of "girth" that some are calling the "fifth dimension." While playing basketball, Meisch observed that his overweight friend seemed to fatigue more quickly as the pace of the game increased, while those possessing a nominal body weight perspired less profusely under the pressure. Building on the work of Chris Hall, whose "Common Formula for Weight Gain," which gained fame in international diet circles, Meisch was able to prove that although a heavy (fat) person fell at the same velocity as a lighter person, the pain felt upon hitting the floor was directly proportionate to their weight. In converting older laws of nature to relativistic terms, Meisch found mass ( weight ) and fatigue as potentially interchangable, according to the law F ( fatigue ) = mc2. another discovery came in connection with light beer. If waist lines follow expansion in space by calorie intake, then intake of light beer passing through a person should still show slight weight gain. This prediction of weight gain was verified by observations of Chris Hall during a Super Bowl party in 1994. Another consequence of this theory, is a shift of some of this weight toward the abdomen, caused by huge masses of food "dragging back" upon the intake of light beer. This effect is hard to distinguish from a " weight shift," which suggests that Chris Hall must be expanding. Finally, Meisch formulated that if weight is distributed in a certain way throughout the obese, it will warp perceptions that their heads are fatter than they really are. Read more... |
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