DougMart announced a new fitness program in June, introducing to DougMart staffers their new Fitness Coordinator: Bruce Lee, deceased star of the television program The Green Hornet and such films as Fists of Fury and Enter the Dragon. ""The average office worker," Mr. Lee told DougMart interviewers, "has no idea how to fight off four attackers with kicks to their heads. Can you believe that? I mean, how out of shape can you get?" Mr. Lee said he plans to design a completely new physical fitness regimen for the DougMart offices, focusing on exotic martial arts weaponry such as staffs, "throwing stars," and other "implements of doom." He also plans to change his name to Doug. "It is not enough to be merely fit," Mr. Lee said. "You must be able to fight your way single-handed through an army of killer ninjas, then scale the walls of an impenetrable fortress and defeat the Evil Criminal Mastermind you invariably find in such places. If the Evil Criminal Mastermind has, like, an iron hook or a knife blade or a claw or something for a hand, that’s even better. That’s much more evil, if they have a hook hand." When asked if his being dead would have any impact on his ability to cope with the work load as Fitness Coordinator, Mr. Lee said, "Not really." Click here for more info... |
