The newest addition to the DougMart staff is Doug Maul, sorcerer and follower of the Left Hand Path. "You’re average employee is not very evil," Maul told DougMart interviewers. "That is what I bring to the table: solid Evil skills." Maul will be joining the DougMart shipping office and looks forward to the challenges of filling cardboard boxes with environmentally harmful Styrofoam peanuts. "A delivery driver once brought me some of those Eco-foam things, those peanuts that dissolve in water," Maul admitted. "I killed him most horribly." "In my spare time, I hope to produce a user’s guide to implements of evil," Maul commented, revealing that he hopes to work as a technical writer one day. "My guide will be truly comprehensive and cover most of your more popular evil-doing tools: Double-bladed Lightsabers, heavy-duty staplers, color laser printers. That sort of thing." Prompted for further details, Maul exhorted DougMart's interviewers to "Cease, pitiful mortals, or I shall destroy you all." |
