An unprecedented microwave malfunction, coupled with the Snack Guy’s failure to bring new snacks for that candy-box thing in the kitchen, precipitated an office-wide disruption of productivity in the DougMart offices the week of June 12. The crisis loomed on the horizon as early as Thursday or Friday of the previous week, as DougMart employees noticed an increasingly poor selection of empty-calorie snacks. "I was reduced to buying mints," Doug Elmore remarked. "Mints. Can you believe that? Do they even make a chocolate mint? I’ll never get the taste out of my mouth. Don’t even talk to me about gum." The devestating impact of dwindling candy supplies was magnified by a microwave failure on June 13. Faced with the inability to thaw frozen lunch foods, DougMart staffers acted quickly to resolve the situation. Doug Kendall of Technical Support was brought in to "reboot" the microwave’s operating system, going so far as to pull out the machine’s cord and then plug it back in. "They couldn’t supply us with enough to last?" Doug Smith asked in the wake of the narrowly-averted microwave debacle. "Our food supply is precarious." "They were on vacation last week," Doug Porter said of the Snack Guy’s company. "We have people dying of hunger over here." Doug Boid expressed horror at the growing problem. "It’s like the Donner Party in there," he proclaimed, staring into the kitchen. At press time, the situation in the DougMart office kitchen was grim. While the Snack Guy’s company had promised to send someone "soon," lack of sugar-laden junk food was taking its toll on those left in the building. "You’re not out of cheese puffs, are you?" Doug Kendall was heard to ask in an uncanny imitation of the cartoon character "Bender" from television’s "Futurama," his voice a distorted bass croak. A doctor’s examination revealed Doug was suffering from sugar withdrawal and experiencing hallucinations as a result. Despite the hardship, those staff members who believe they will indeed survive the crisis vow to continue on -- and to prepare for the future. "We’ll have to take precautionary measures," said Doug Smith. "I hear there’s a Wegmans somewhere in the area," commented Doug Elmore. "Who knows? We might go there, or something." |
